Change

I love this song :)

Almost there

Did my last presentation today.

My research paper on adoption and first mothers is due Tuesday at 12. After that, I AM HOME FREE. I'm flying home on the 16th for the holidays.

Next semester, I have two electives: Forensic Social Work and Adoption & Foster Care.  Required classes...I can't remember.  LOL, sad I know.

This program as definitely been a learning experience. I snickered at orientation when they talked about how we would come to know ourselves in a different light. So true. Coming from such a closed minded under-graduate school and city, it's been eye-opening to me to see people who are so different from me in class. It's forced me to think about how I really feel. I've had many debates in my head about my beliefs and why I believe what I believe. If certain beliefs are actually biblical or just someone's interpretation.  I've had to learn how to take my own beliefs out of the equation, when it comes to other people.  In that case, it doesn't matter what I think is right or wrong.  Harder to do than I thought.

I think everyone should have to take some social work classes and get uncomfortable, it's good for you!

Thankful

Today I am thankful for -

I stumbled up Francesca after hearing "It's my Life" being played in the Jon & Kate Plus 8 finale commercials. I downloaded that one song and a friend asked me if I had heard her others.  I had not,so I did a bit of research.  I have been listening to her entire CD non-stop for the past few days.  It is that good!

If you like Christian music, I would highly suggest it for this holiday season :)

I have been enjoying my week off and I can't believe it's almost over.  I have done a whole lot of nothing.  I'm here by myself, but I have been enjoying it.  I've seen quite a few movies this week and it's been fun to entertain myself.

Only 2 more weeks of this semester left!

I changed my blog again, lol.  But this time, I did the whole template. I love it, but I did lose all my widgets in the process.  Hopefully I'll be able to get at least my bloglists back up soon.

Here's a link to a list of free blogger background/template sites: http://butterflygirlmsblogdesigns-designers.blogspot.com/

Mine came from: http://lenatoewsdesigns.blogspot.com/search/label/detailed%20templates

Overhaul

of this blog.

Learned about wordle over on Eyes Opened Wider.

My header is supposed to be all thew  words from the song, Hazel by Bob Dylan.

Hazel, dirty blonde hair
I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with you anywhere
You got something I want plenty of
Ooh, a little touch of your love.

Hazel, stardust in your eye
You're going somewhere and so am I
I'd give you the sky high above
Ooh, for a touch of your love.

Oh no, I don't need any reminder
To know how much I really care
But it's just making me blinder and blinder
Because I am up on the hill and still you're not there.

Hazel, you called and I came
Now don't make me play this waiting game
You've got something I want plenty of
Ooh, a little touch of your love.

I don't know why it's not centered - but I guess it will do.
 

DFCS

Today I went to meet my field supervisor for next semester, I'll call her Leigh.

The drive over wasn't too bad.  It took me about 25 minutes, so while not the worse, I'll definitely be watching my money a little more closely next semester.  I was surprised to see a lot of the county offices on the same street. (Mental Health, Head Start(would have loved to be placed here!), DFCS, Sr. Citizens Outreach, etc.)

The DFCS offices are spread out over a couple of buildings and my supervisor was in the back.  She was a very sweet woman and graduated from my program about 5 years ago. She asked me if I was more interested in CPS or foster care/adoption and I told her foster care. 

She told me a little about their program and how it is heavily based on reunification and the integration of foster families and birth families.  In most cases foster families and birth families work together on issues concerning the child.  She also said they have come a long way in how many children they have in foster care. A few years ago it was around 200 and now it's down to about 60. 

I'll be shadowing people mostly.  Going out to inspect foster care homes, going to court, going to visit children in group homes or hospitals, attending treatment meetings, etc.  Possibly even going along for the removal of children from their homes...don't know if I'm ready for that! 

I'm very excited and I got a really good vibe from Leigh. I'll be there Thursdays and Fridays from around 8:30-5.  A few of those Fridays are furloughs, so yay! 

She mentioned that they were able to hire both their 2nd year interns from last year.  That sent a "Would I stay in this state if they offered me a job?!" through my head.  I don't think I want to stay here though. If it was the only offer I received, I guess it wouldn't be smart to turn it down. But I really want to move back to my home state when I'm done with this program.  That is a year and a half away...so I've got time!

November, you say?!

I can't believe I've made it this far!

First semester of school almost over.  Classes have been going well.

We were finally assigned our placements for next semester. I will be working in DFCS, in a county about 30 minutes away from where I live.  I'm excited, nervous, anxious, unprepared, etc.  I tried calling my contact yesterday with no luck.  I'll have to try back on Monday.  Quite a few of my friends are in DFCS as well, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of people the talk with.

Added a new member to the fam yesterday...hoping I don't regret this, lol! Fin is giving me a run for my money.

LCSW Exam

The thought of this exam terrifies me.

I'm attending school in a state that's not my home, but I plan on moving back home to work. I hope that won't be a problem when registering for the test/preparation.

None of our professors have talked too much about this test, so I need to do some research on it.  I didn't even know about this until about a month into the program! 

Self Injury

"We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, students, and business owners. We have depression, DID, PTSD, eating disorders, borderline personalities, bipolar disorder, or maybe no formal diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some were not. We are straight, bi, and gay. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every single race or religion that you can possibly think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks."

I came across this quote on a facebook group tonight and it really touched my heart.

I was...am a self-injurer. I don't know if you've ever cured from it. I might be something I deal with for the rest of my life. I don't know. I haven't self-injured in probably a year, maybe a little more.

But the thing that got me about this quote is that I guarantee that 99% of the people I know don't know this about me and would NEVER guess it.

There is such a stigma around this issue. You hear 'cutter'

and a lot of people think: goth. dark music. moody. dark clothes. unpopular.

Or:  attention seeker. bored teenager.

Sure some may fall into that category, but not all of us.

I was the popular kid in school. I was the happy one. I was always laughing, always optimistic. I had plenty of friends. People liked me. And I was a cutter.

I didn't do it for attention.
I wasn't trying to kill myself.
I was not bored.

I had a crappy home life and no emotional support. I didn't know how to express my emotions and they came out by cutting. It was just the only way I knew how to feel and deal with what I was feeling.

The person who works next to you may be cutting. Your close friend might be. The teenager down the street. The dad at the grocery store. Your boss. The nurse. Anyone.

We never know what people are going through. Smile at everyone. Wish them a good day. Say thank you. Ask how someone is doing.  Simple words can do so much in someone's life. They may hold onto your kind words for hours, or days, or weeks, or months.  Just to know someone cared enough.

My first award :)

EVER!
Thanks so much Eyes Opened Wider. I am so thankful for your friendship!

 This award comes with a few rules; Copy and paste this onto a new post in your blog. Write your own answers to the questions below. Remember -you can only use one word answers! (It is just too hard for some answers!) Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers by including their links! Post on your blog. Alert them that you have given them this award. Simple. So go ahead get started.... Have Fun!

___________________________________________

Where is your cell phone? Friend's.

Your hair? Messy

Your mother? Funny

Your father? Thoughtful

Your favorite food? Anything

Your dream last night? none

Your favorite drink? Tea

Your dream/goal? Family

What room are you in? Living

Your hobby? reading

Your Fear? Alone

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Married

Where were you last night? Movie

Something that you aren’t? Serious

Muffins? Sometimes

Wish list item? Wardrobe

Where did you grow up? South

Last thing you did? ate

What are you wearing? Tshirt

Your TV? TLC

Your pets? None

Friends? Love

Your life? Full

Your mood? Relaxed

Missing someone? yes

Vehicle? Clean

Something you’re not wearing? Pants!

Your favorite store? Target

Your favorite color? Yellow

When was the last time you laughed? GoldenGirls

Last time you cried? night

One place that I go to over and over? School

One person who emails me regularly? School

Favorite place to eat? Red Lobster

I'll nominate:

Anti-socialworker

Fighting Monsters

Everybody's Mom

Not sure that anyone else read's this ;)

Foster Care.

Is it typical/ethical/acceptable for social workers to be foster parents?

I ask because my interest in social work came from my desire to be a foster parents.  I hope I don't have to give that up.

I've never come across a social worker who had foster kids...

Another week -

down.

I met with my advisor today to turn in a preliminary schedule for next semester.  In addition to 15 hours, we will be in an agency from 8-5 two days a week. I hear it's a tough time!  I'm a bit nervous about the workload(I'm also a graduate assistant, so two jobs!), but I realize I'm not the first or the only one going through this.  I chose Adoption and Foster Care and Forensic Social Work as my two electives. Hopefully I'll be able to get them.

I'm interested to see the perspective the adoption class is taught from.  I'm hoping to research the other side of adoption in my research class, but I'm not having much luck. No one seems to be writing articles (I should say, peer reviewed) about adoption agency coercion, regrets about relinquishment, long term effects of adoption on birth parents, or why there isn't more emphasis on preserving natural families.  I'll keep on searching though...

I have a hard time explaining to people what I mean when I say I am interested in adoption. Of course, EVERYONE gushes and smiles and tells me they want to work in adoptions too or that it sounds so fun.  And I have to explain...no, that's not what I'm talking about. Then I fumble around with words like regrets, coercion, adoption not usually necessary, permanent solutions, etc...and most people just nod and walk away.  I feel like no one else is interested.  Are there even agencies that operate from a standpoint of empowering first mothers to parent?  I don't know...hopefully this adoption/foster professor will have some answers.

We had a guest speak who is the director of a mental health program at a large hospital today. I never thought I would be interested in working in this area, but after today I might look into that.

Jani - Childhood Schizophrenia

http://www.nowpublic.com/health/jani-schofield-childhood-schizophrenia-living-illness

I didn't see Jani on Oprah, but a friend told me about her and I looked up videos and articles all last night.

I can not imagine the amount of effort these parents are putting forth to keep their child alive.  I can't imagine the amount of medication she is on(her dad talks about swallowing the other half of one of her dosages and it almost knocked him out).

There's so much to process in this story...

Methadonia

We watched Methadonia in my policy class yesterday.

I was mesmerized...I don't know if that's quite the right word.

But in every clip I saw, I realized....I have NO idea what drug addiction, withdrawal, clinics, etc. look like.  What happens when a person goes through withdrawal?  The only image I come up with is Mimi in RENT.  Is that even accurate?  I don't quite understand why Methadone is ok to use, the documentary seemed to be saying that it was just another addiction, but safer, I guess.

Before this, I didn't even know Methadone was used for heroin addiction...when I say clueless. I mean - clueless.

The more I learn, the more I feel like I don't know.  I didn't know you could die from withdrawal.  I had no idea what nodding was or benzos.  I would love to see the entire documentary and form some kind of knowledgeable opinion on all of these issues.   I'll have to check netflix.

End of the Week.

I'm finally feeling like this place is home. 
I moved about 16 hours from where I'm from. New state. New people. New school. 

But finally after almost 3 months here, I think I'll be alright :)

We had a potluck at cohort's home last night. It was the first time a big group of us had hung out, outside of class.  It was great to see everyone dressed up and "fancy-free". It feels good to be among your own and people who understand your career.  

We turned in all our application materials yesterday (for our practicum). We register for next semester in about 2 weeks.  I feel like this semester has flown by and we'll finally be doing something!  We had to fill out a form about places we wouldn't feel comfortable working, which everyone jokes is really asking us because they will put us there.  We'll see if that's the case. I put that I did not want to work in a prison or any kind of halfway house.  I guess if I did have to work in a place to get me out of my comfort zone, I would rather it be there now than in my concentration all year.

I've recently become interested in social work in hospitals, specifically oncology.  I need to do some more research into it though. We have groups present hot topics in our Human Behavior class and last week a group did one on suburban youth.  It wasn't news to me, I work at a camp with these kids every summer. I would even venture to guess that some of the stats for drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. might even be higher than those of urban youth.  My dream job would be to work in private schools with these youth.  But I know it will never happen, because these rich kids don't have any problems, right? 

Law and Order SVU

I have loved SVU for years now. But lately, episodes can send me to tears and leave me thinking about characters for hours after the show ends.

Some of my favorite episodes, I can't wait at all...the one with the little boy who kills his toddler neighbor.  Is labeled a sociopath and deemed untreatable. Killed by the father of the little boy he tortured/killed. Because he knows the boy will kill again and fill no regret.

Can't do it.

I just watched one where an abusive husband kills his wife. It's later revealed that the downstairs neighbor killed her abusive husband 25 years before and has been on the run since then...the way she tells her story is heartbreaking.

I'm guessing this is happening now because I know I'm about to be thrown into a world where these are just fictional characters. The abused wife will be a client. The little boy who feels no regret will count on me to do what's best.

I won't be able to turn off the TV and forget about these people. They'll be real.

I don't know if I'll be able to handle SVU much longer...we'll see.

PS - thank you for all the kind feedback!  

Role-playing

We worked on therapy sessions today.

It was quite interesting. I've thought about counseling for some time.  I'm not quite sure how I feel about it though.  I've been in therapy twice and though it helped...I feel as if a person can always be in therapy. There's always more to work, always something you're holding back, always something in the past holding you back...

It's so hard to gain someone's trust. What makes me worthy of that trust?

We play our videos next week and will get feedback from the class.  They only had to be 10 minutes, so we didn't have a chance to do much and of course it was easy to figure out everyone's problem in those 10 little minutes.

If only it could all be so easy...

In a helping profession...

and someone leaves you helpless.

A fellow student, one I actually know, was in a hit and run this past Tuesday. She was running before class and a car hit her. Since she had no ID, no one knew who she was for 30 hours.

I know I would be devastated if I hit someone and maybe...leaving would cross my mind. But I don't think I could ever actually leave someone on the side of the rode.

Next semester we will be in our placements and I know I will probably feel helpless at times. I feel like we're going to be thrown in, head first, sink or swim. A lot of things are rushing through my mind: I'm not old enough for this. I don't look old enough for this. People aren't going to take me seriously; clients or coworkers. etc.

In my Human Behavior class we were analyzing a case in which a client was in a facility for 2 months and admitted in an evaluation that she had been sexually abused. Our professor's point was up until that point, the social worker was not really considered a part of the team.  Not seen as equal. Happens a lot evidently....

Hello world!

Hello world was the first output we had in my high school computer science class. I figure it fits here too.

I'm brand spankin' new to the field of social work. I'm scared out of my mind...and excited.

Right now we are in our first round of classes, 5 to be exact.  Next semester we will be spending 16 hours a week in the field, in addition to a few classes.

I'm feeling quite unprepared for next semester and a real burden of responsibility. I mean, these are people's lives we're talking about!